Intro
Quantum mechanics is a theory of physics that has the unique characteristic among other laws of physics that scientists have deliberately sought to make it unintelligible to anyone that tries to understand it. The Nobel laureate Steven Weinberg who presided over the merger of electromagnetic weak force fields, said that it is so simple that it made scientists deliberately shroud it with needlessly complicated and diversionary allusions for fear of losing their jobs or that the commies and chinese would "get it".
As a manifestation of this scientists and educators like Richard P. Feynman proclaimed that it is a theory that no one can understand, even though he used it to repeat the work of Weinberg and others.
On the other hand, according to David Bohm "Feynman doesn't know what he's talking about and the jury is still out on my theory of the universal rheostat", hence giving rise to the "many-worlds" interpretation, in which , every few years someone comes up with a completely different meaning for quantum mechanics.
Examples of the many interpretations postulated by the many-worlds interpretation include:
* The many-worlds interpretation - the schizophrenic multiverse theory basically states that when you decide and proceed to do an action , every other choice of action is also taken and carried out in parallel worldlines
but you are just stuck with the one with the most negative consequences for you.
* "string theory" , aka the planck guitar theory. Viz. there exists a stupidly tiny guitar at just below the planck length that hums out energy and mass forming leptons or bosons as the mood may it take it. This theory is said to have been inspired by the Beatles' "While my guitar gently weeps" .
* Quantum gravity , in which scenario the graviton finally makes up with the photon and other force particles (known as bosons), and agrees to enter into a joint force field with them.
* the Bohm Rheostat: David Bohm postulates the universe is regulated by a large variable resistance radio rheostat just outside the universe
History of development
In 1907 Max Plank cut a deal with Albert Einstein, they'll share the credit for the planck and energy equations that were so obvious after maxwell's and lorentz's work into two seemingly different concepts E = mc2 and E = mu.h and share all the benefits. In truth , neither of them understood any of it (until de Broglie figured out that electron energy was also quantized like the photon) and had come across it rummaging through the papers of obscure polish and italian physics students.
Later on, ca. 1913 the two incorporated a corporation for their "quantum racket" (known in german then as quantumracket) which they called the Max planck Institute. That institute became a magnet for bright but socially failed physics students whom Planck and Einstein mobilised to rummage through all the papers in the trash of foreign university students.
Around that time also Einstein invited over indian physicist Bose to complete an experimental round of poker played exclusive by physicists whose last name begins with "Bo" (Bohr, Bohm,Bose and Born) with de Broglie also around to service the decks take the players coats and bets and serve meza and drinks. But Bose decided to start an audio components company instead.
Dirac Jordan , Bohr De Broglie and others only managed to catalog the results in the early 1920s, as Bohr once noted in retrospect "it was just in time to provide a scientific basis to explain away the german inflation, and also in time , no pun intended, for the fox-trot , which was described by a discrete wave function that led our boy Schrodinger to his wave equation."
In 1925 , the Max Planck Institute students, "Planck's gang" as they were called met Swiss chemist Sandoz who invented LSD and the Mozambiquan white crested kaka monkey smallpox virus. He introduced them to LSD with spiked drinks, and they had a trip reported to involve a lot of long spontaneous synchronized bouts of laughter. it was in the course of that mind altering meeting that quantum mechanics took its most recognizable shape and formulation.
It was there and then that Schrodinger deduced his famous Schrodinger wave equation from the probability density of getting laid among randomly matched foxtrot and charleston dancing partners. Simultaneously, Dirac came up with a harmonic analytical matrix formulation of Schrodinger's equation just to spite Schrodinger and prove to all once again he was the superior mathematician; in retaliation for which , Hilbert punished the entirety of the hallucinating Planck's gang (and unknowingly future generations of physics students) by replacing Both Schrodinger's wave mechanical formulation and Dirac's matrix formulation by an exceedingly complicated complex vector space which he called after himself and to which he applied Dirac's vector operators. Everyone hated the remoreseless Dirac just then, and even more so the merciless Hilbert. But later on various reports from personal correspondence and bathroom scrawls, the group would shares jokes about how the mathematics of quantum theory surpassed Einstein's understanding since 1905.
Despite its promise by the time quantum mechanics "came out" to the scientific community, the great depression hit and everyone went broke and unemployed. Numerous repeat visits to the Sandoz laboratories in Switzerland were reported of the "Planck gang" or Planckenga(umlaut)ng as they were called in austro-hungar-holy-roman-prusso-germanic-empire.
Shortly after the depression WWII took place and Heisenberg and Niels Bohr had a slapping duel in Coppenhagen after a bout of drinking.
Fed up with his inability to navigate Hilbert and Dirac's mathematics which by then became the sole language in which quantum mechanics was written, Einstein got angry, moved to the United States, signed up for the army and invented the atom bomb, famously writing to the ruler of the land , "PS. this powerful-as-the-sun device will also kill more people faster than anything that hit the planet since Noah had to build an ark," - which note the president obliged by trying it out on a couple of non-white cities.
From 1939 it became clear that every particle had to have its own field. This was the beginning of quantum field theory which postulates that physics will no longer study nature but rather sublimate it entirely in abstract algebraic concepts like non-homogeneous group theoretic representations and homotopy.
Just as at the turn of the XXth cent. the line was blurred between a particle and an electromagnetic wave, since the 1967 "Summer of Love" and the following near worldwide student riots of 1968 protesting the sheer decadence religious zeal and contempt for the gravity of war of the hippies and yippies, the line has been getting increasingly blurred between the concept of a particle and that of a purely conceptual , not even hypothetical , but virtual pseudoparticles.
The Nobel prize winner for his quantum well-digging and quantum field prospecting Yang Tchi Chi Che Chiuh, PhdE2 noted in Physical review letters at the end of the last decade that physics is now in the realm of studying abstract mathematics blurring the line between nature and other people's fallible minds.
After the implications of the new physics became clear, in the period from the 1960s onward to the present time, no popular science books sought to explain it but rather writers resorted to throw up paradoxes and misquoted zen and hindu allegories to confuse the readers about it rather than elucidate them. Consequently only those science authors that take a solemn oath at Princeton Institute of advanced physics to describe quantum mechanics only as a paradoxical unintelligible theory that defies our common sense are permitted to publish material about it.
Principles of quantum mechanics
* When in a tight spot , your uncertainty and the uncertainty of you both go through the roof
* God does not play dice and does not want us to know anything beyond a certain infinitesimal limit. Our senses and tunneling electron beams cannot go beyond that certain infinitesimal limit, which we would only understand we if had infinitesimal minds, which we don't.
* Two electrons will go through each other or appear at two places at onces, making them apparently advanced Pythogerean acolytes.
* If you truly enjoy quantum mechanics , chances are you are unemployed and have no social life.
* electricity is monopolistic while magnetism is dipolistic and gravity is apparently nonpolistic. On the other hand , the strong force is tri-polistic, having an RGB-component technicolor charge.
* The nucleons are made of tiny quirks : These are called "Cuteheart", "Tiny", "Uptown", "Beautiful", "Stimpy" and "Weird". These have a funniness charge , as opposed to the electric-shock charge of the electrons and other leptons. The study of quirks is thus called Funny Quantum Dynamics. It is hypothesized that a seventh as yet unobserved quirk exists that is tentatively called the "Colorific" which leads to the field of acoustic-quantum chromodynamics.
* Even if you understand quantum mechanics, we will never live long enough to learn enough math to do quantum dynamics.
* The "Force" does exist but no one has been able to pin it without it breaking some conservation law or shattering mirror in a cosmic mirror store called "CPT symmetry". Also it is now in the "Dark Side" as only 0.04% of the universe (yes all those gargantuan galaxies and gassy clouds) is made up of matter , and the rest is "dark matter".
Implications
* Zen Buddhism is just a smart alec attempt by popular science writers to obfuscate the simple facts about quantum mechanics.
* The universe appears to physicists to suffer from multiple-personality disorder and maybe autistic.
* If you ever run into Einstein (after death or in some parallel worldline) do not mention the names Hilbert, Dirac or Schrodinger or even the Max Planck Institute.
* Another postulate is that some subatomic particles are extremely shy and will puff themselves out into a cloud the way Nightcrawler does when looked at. The measure of a particle's refusal to get measured properly is called the Planck Shyness.
* Quantum mechanics will not make computers cheaper because the software would still be expensive (for the deadbeats: and have to be used in cracked mode which will always break requiring a reformat).
* Software user login modules around the world will have to be rewritten - because with the advent of quantum computers quantum algorithms would render passwords useless. This is known as the Quantum computer Problem.
* For the first time in history a computing machine beats the Turing machine, probably: Big Blue and many other supercomputers and even the Earth simulator could never beat the Universal Turing Machine at computer chess tournaments, but finally quantum computers showed that they would tend to beat the imaginary Turing machine with a probability distribution of a 97% WIN superposed with a probability 3% LOSS in a single computational step, given that all physicist in the room keep their fingers crossed in order to raise the a priori probability of winning.
* quantum mechanics does not solve the greenhouse water and energy problems . However it is postulated that if successfully married to relativity theory by tying them together with planck guitar strings and if the supreme court approves the vote count, they will form the theory of everything, which nonetheless will still not solve the energy problems.
* No matter how much you explain it to them, people will misunderstand that quantum effects only apply for small corposcule/wave scales and not at the macroscopic scale. As a result the theory is often misused to justify a complete absence of logic and common sense in the practical life fields of business, law and government.
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